Have you ever had trouble forgiving someone? I think we’ve all been in situations that in which forgiveness is hard. Many factors such as pride, fear of being hurt again, the magnitude of the damage received, etc. may have made it difficult to forgive. However, we desired to get rid of the heavy burden of not forgiving or we valued the relationship so much that we forgave despite all the difficulties.
Although most of the time we think that forgiveness is a decision we make for the good of the other person, in fact forgiveness liberates us. In some cases, the other party may not even be aware of the damage it is doing. Even if they are aware of the harm they are doing, it is a fact that they will not be as affected as their victim. On the other hand, the damaged party will consider the issue at length and greatly expend their energy to deal with it. We carry everything we do not forgive into the future. When we do not leave it behind, the farther we go, the heavier becomes the burden we carry. A succinct saying about it says, “Not forgiving is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” The person who can’t forgive is the one who suffers the greatest harm.
There is another more important reason to forgive than to merely lighten our burden: we have been forgiven by God through His grace. It’s easier to forgive others when we truly understand the freedom of this forgiveness gives. We come to understand the sense of gratitude that comes from being freed of the consequences of our wrong action. God may forgive us, but we have often struggle to forgive ourselves. However, forgiving ourselves is a way to practice showing the same generosity to others.
Just because we’re forgiven by God doesn’t mean we’re going allow ourselves to keep making the same mistakes. It is understandable that we also want to see a change in behavior in the person we forgive. If we put ourselves in a position to suffer in the same way over and over again, we may have to set limits on the relationship. Forgiveness does not mean that we will go back to the relationship as if nothing happened or that the hurt we received will simply go away. It means that we have an opportunity to heal and to prevent the mistake from continuing to affect us. Let us always remember that we will receive mercy to the extent that we show mercy; that we will be forgiven as much as we forgive. In the Bible, Jesus says, “forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you” (Luke 6:37-38 – ESV).
If you need support with forgiveness, you might find it useful to listen to our podcasts on this topic.
